These people are just taking place in a zombie race in Barcelona, Spain, but make no mistake: The zombie apocalypse is right around the corner.
The zombie apocalypse might be upon us. With reports of zombie-like behavior in Miami and New Jersey, some are speculating that our peaceful existence has been put into question.
But hey, don’t let that stop you from getting an education. Here’s how you can choose the safest college for a zombie apocalypse.
Pick a zombie-proof campus
The campus itself may be a life-or-death decision so you need to choose wisely.
The first thing you need to consider is space. Does the campus have enough space to run around in? Are there enough hiding spots? Look for quads and open lawns. Trees would be nice, too, if you’re a good climber (zombies can’t reach you up there).
You also should flock to campuses with water. Though there’s an ongoing debate if zombies can swim or not, it’s a pretty safe bet they can’t (it requires too much brain capacity). So any college with a lake on campus is ideal. Sure, you can’t hide in the water forever but it will at least buy you some time. Chances are the zombies will wait for you until they find someone else. That’s your cue to swim to land and bail.
Stay away from small campuses with all the buildings close to each other. And unless you’re good at dodging obstacles (zombies aren’t so if you are, you’re good to go), I’d avoid schools with too many trees or benches. You don’t want a zombie to get the best of you just because your tripped over a tree stump.
Flock to small towns and isolation
Imagine being amidst the zombie apocalypse in New York City. Even the strongest would be doomed. So why risk it? If possible, choose a campus either in a small town or an isolated area of a city.
The reason obviously being, less people=less zombies=less chance of becoming a zombie. You do want to survive, right? Then attend Princeton University. Or Sierra Nevada College, which is hidden away in the open woods near Lake Tahoe (double score).
And don’t just assume because it’s a college town you’ll be safe. The flaw in that line of reasoning is that a lot of times schools in college towns are in the epicenter of town. Even though there may be less zombies due to the size of the town, they’re still all flocking to your campus.
There is only one decent counterargument to what I’m saying. Some may feel safe in bigger cities because there might be more survivors. More survivors could equal a higher chance of winning the zombie war.
I don’t like this argument because, while it’s optimistic, it’s unrealistic. The chances of you finding a group of survivors before getting attacked are nearly as small as that group killing off the zombie race. I say stick to the small, isolated towns and wait this thing out.
Consider the people
Without sounding rude, some people are better suited to survive the zombie apocalypse. So you need to consider the kinds of people in your town before attending college there. Here are a couple of things to consider.
Scope out smart cities. While intelligence doesn’t mean you’ll die any less if a zombie gets you, it could mean a higher chance of avoiding zombies. Look at “The Walking Dead.” The Asian guy, Glenn — who also just happens to be the smartest one — will probably never die. He’s always finding hiding spots and using resources wisely. Attending one of the many universities in Seattle (one of the most intelligent cities) could make all the difference in your survival.
Another thing to consider is your school’s medical school. Is it good? I ask for two reasons. The first, and obvious, reason being caring for non-bitten wounded people. Wouldn’t it be a bummer to die from something other than a zombie bite in the middle of the zombie apocalypse? The second reason is hope. Though they’ll probably never find a cure, it’s at least comforting knowing a group of trained scientists at your school are trying. That’s why the gang from “The Walking Dead” made a beeline for the Centers for Disease Control.
If you follow my advice, then you may just survive this thing. And if the zombie apocalypse never happens, you’ve still got a college education.
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