You have one new friend request!
This summer, Facebook hit 500 million members – odds are you and nearly all of your friends are part of that. Tell me one person who doesn’t love signing into their Facebook and seeing “You have one new friend request!” Exactly – it’s awesome. Because once you click accept you can Facebook stalk like it’s your job – check out their recent photos, see who they are friends with, and all the other exciting things that go along with your fabulous new technological friendship. But what about getting a request from someone you don’t want to be “virtually” connected to? Perhaps it’s someone you went to pre-school with and can’t quite remember or some middle school bully who has supposedly grown up, or better yet your newest professor. I am fairly selective about who I choose to let into my network on Facebook and I’m sorry, Professor, you just don’t make the cut.
I truly valued the relationships I built with a number of professors at my undergraduate institution – I was able to really get to know them through interactions in the classroom and through other campus events. But I refused to become Facebook friends with them. Think about it – how do your professors view you as a student? Would that change if they saw your pictures from that crazy party you went to over the weekend? Would they be uncomfortable with some of the status updates you make when you’re feeling a little bit stressed about life or just kind of angry?
I keep my profile pictures and status updates pretty clean, but I also cannot control what other may post on my wall. I can certainly go back and delete what was said, but how many people can see the post or photo before you get a chance to delete it? Sure, Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg got some serious flack for messing with privacy settings of users this year and made some positive changes, but quite honestly, nothing is ever really private. I know I personally would be a bit uncomfortable if my professor started commenting on my photos from a friend’s birthday night out or on some of the inside jokes posted on my wall. It’s happened to a handful of friends and I cannot help but wonder why they friended their professor in the first place.
Now reverse it… Do you really want to know what your professor is doing all the time? Is it appropriate for you to know that their husband or wife hoards their wall? Or that they post photos of their family and friends constantly? Professors are people, too, but I really think there is a distinct professional line that should be drawn between students and professors. When I’m in class, I do not want to be thinking about what I saw as their weekend status – I want to focus on the course!
It’s important to connect with a professor, in fact I even support doing so outside the classroom, but I don’t need to do that through social media. I always respected the relationships I had with my professors as they treated me like an adult or a colleague. I think that level of professionalism is important as it teaches you how to interact with someone who has authority, which can inevitably teach you how to successfully interact with colleagues and supervisors after you graduate. As is, I think our generation has become incredibly lax when it comes to having professional or formal relationships. I have so many friends who have gotten a verbal lashing for speaking unprofessionally to their supervisors or writing emails to superiors that could be written by a fifth grader. I’m convinced that a large part of this behavior is directly related to how we interact with people through social media. Becoming “friends” with a superior who you may not know too well personally sets a dangerous precedent. We as a generation have so much to offer and are seriously hindering our future by treating everyone in our lives like peers.
Maybe I’m just old fashioned or hyper sensitive about my online identity since I work at a college, but I just don’t want a professor snooping around my online life. Believe it or not, there is such a thing as being too connected.
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[...] State University grad student Jenn DeLuca turns it around in USA Today, explaining why she doesn’t friend professors on Facebook: Think about it – how do your professors view you as a student? Would that change if they saw your [...]
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I have friended my professors on Facebook before, but usually after I’m out of their classes for good. There are several reasons for my decision, besides the fact that the professors I add on Facebook are generally somewhat friends with me in RL, I also thought it’ll be a great way to stay in touch with them whenever I’m too busy to drop by and say hi in person, so that it won’t make everything so awkward when I need them to write my letters of recommendations for things like jobs and/or grad schools. Maybe it’s just me but I get very uncomfortable asking people who I hardly ever talk to or who hardly ever talk to me to do me such big favors. Everything seems so much easier for me when I actually befriended them first before asking them to write and sign anything on my behalf. I think friending them on Facebook is also another way of showing that my friendship with them is truly sincere, another way of making the situation more comfortable when I do need them to do any favors. Plus, rather than just randomly adding them, I normally add a message to go along with it, asking them how they’re doing, how the classes they’re teaching are going, etc…my way of making things less awkward as well.
On the other hand, I can understand some students not wanting to add their professors due to privacy issues. Although my profile’s generally clean so can’t say I have much to hide. And speaking of which, you may not necessarily control what others post on your wall (well, actually you can but it involves totally banning certain people from posting on your wall) but you can actually control what others see. Go to “privacy settings”, click “customize settings”, and voila, you have the option of disallowing certain friends from seeing certain things on your profile as well as disallowing certain friends from posting certain things.
[...] One new friend request…from my professor? – Jenn DeLuca [...]
Love your post Jenn! Such a recent topic. You brought up some good points from both ends of the spectrum when you “accept”. Not only are you able to see what they are doing but they can see everything you do… and I think the most important point you brought up was that you can not control what people post on your Facebook wall… how will your other “friends” view you when someone posts something inappropriate on your wall. Good points :)
Very insightful Jenn. I completely agree with you thoughts on friending students, even as an administrator I want to make sure their is a line of professionalism that I keep with students. Facebook is a great tool for communicating with students, but I let them make the choice if they want me to have access.
I agree with this, and will note that it extends beyond college and into the “real world”. I would never friend a co-worker; my personal life is something they don’t need to share. And I routinely Ignore friend requests from people who I don’t actually know (friends of friends, etc.). It’s never too early for students to start building the habits that will serve them well in later life, and I don’t mean just study habits!
As a higher education administrator whose role includes marketing and communication, I disagree with this. My role is to tell the story of our department, and our students’ experience. Facebook is the most efficient (and authentic) way for me to see what that experience is. Every fall I send a friend request to each of our RAs, but it’s accompanied by a lengthy personal note explaining why I’m sending the request, letting them know they’re not obligated to accept it, and suggesting a limited profile option if they’re on the fence. Having these connections allows me to see the “pulse” of campus, and receive instant opinions on any new idea. It’s also been the #1 way for me to recruit student bloggers this year.
That being said, the facebook profile I use to friend them is for professional purposes only, so I’m not sharing much of my personal life with them.
Great post Jenn- important information- the choices adults make. Agree with Brianne- use the correct social media “tool” to meet your goals. Complete your LINKEDin Profile for professional networking.
Hi Jenn,
Nice article. Definitely something worth taking the time to think about. During my undergrad at Bridgewater I always thought twice about friend requesting residents on Facebook because I was a Resident Assistant. If I knew them beforehand from class or as a friend that was one thing but I just didn’t want to cross that line. I plan on taking the same stance professionally as a Resident Director when it comes to paraprofessional staff, students and even some colleagues. It’s important to recognize what types of online social (or professional) networks are appropriate for the individual relationship. LinkedIn is a far better atmosphere to build a network with professors and colleagues.
I agree that there certainly is a line that should not be crossed between students and their professors, and I am glad you mentioned LinkedIn. I strongly believe that Facebook is the personal side of social networking, and LinkedIn is an appropriate tool for more professional networking. Through these different kinds of social networking, you can avoid limiting yourself.
Working in a University, I have been on the opposite side of this article as well, with prospective and current students somehow finding and “friending” me on Facebook. Although I have never accepted one of these requests, it is disturbing to click on their profiles and see what they are actually posting, and that they want to share that information with a staff member at the University they are applying to. They probably don’t realize they are sharing so much, but it certainly puts me in an awkward position as a staff member. If they haven’t already, all parents should add social media safety and responsibility to the list of semi-awkward but serious conversations they have with their children.
Harrison, I personally choose not to friend students – since I’m their supervisor or adviser, I don’t want them to feel like they have to be a facebook friend. There are definitely some of the younger faculty who think it’s okay to facebook their students. I do think this goes both ways though. There are also plenty of students who FB their professors.
When I served as a teaching assistant in grad school, I would have never considered friending any of my students. Granted, there was nothing on my page I did not feel comfortable with them seeing, and if they requested me, I would put them on limited profile. On the other hand, I was only a few years older than these students – maybe it’s an age thing? I do think it’s a little peculiar for the friend request to come from the faculty.
Hi Karl,
I think there is the definite possibility that we can limit ourselves if we are too selective in our social media circle. However, I think there are also a number of other places to connect to people. For example, I think twitter is a fantastic way to connect to people we know personally or people and brands that we may not know. I personally have been able to connect to a number of professionals in my field through twitter and even connected to professors through linked in. I think connecting on some social media sites is more preferable than others. Facebook is just more personal for me, but I know it’s not like that for everyone!
I really appreciate your insight!
In the age of companies checking Facebook pages of job applicants and people being fired for their comments in social media, I think this is a very timely topic. Though I personally agree with Jenn, I also wonder if we risk losing ourselves if we limit our access to people and relationships through social media. I mean, I am who I am and though I certainly wouldn’t want people to read my thoughts or anything like that, I feel in the public space sometimes relationships can be enhanced by letting certain people have a peek behind the curtain “at the great and powerful Oz” as they say. Just my two cents.