If it wasn’t for student loan debt, this would totally be the author’s wife.
Student loans can interfere with many life plans, such as traveling to Europe and buying Hulu Plus.
A consolidated public student loan and one institutional loan: $232.50 a month… gone. Sure, it’s less than some of my friends, who pay around a grand a month. But my $25,000 student loan debt is considered average, according to FICO Banking Analytics.
And it hurts. Oh, the things I would do with that money if it didn’t go toward debt:
1. Knowing I’d have the money to pay a friend back for bailing me out of jail, I’d probably take more risks in life, like joining an already-in-progress bar fight to both look cool in front of a girl I like and to fulfill my lifelong dream of being in a bar fight.
2. I would have bought the Vitamix blender for $449 instead of the Breville Hemisphere for $199.
3. I’d have an easier time justifying getting a master’s degree, since more than half of students pursuing a master’s degree will borrow an average of $31,000 above the amount already borrowed for an undergraduate degree, according to a New York Times article by Cecilia Capuzzi Simon.
4. I’d get a one-bedroom apartment closer to downtown Austin than where I am now in North Austin (I’m about 8 miles from downtown).
5. I probably would have lived in New York City longer. Money wasn’t the only reason I moved away but it certainly factored into why I left so soon. Living there longer would have increased my chances of meeting and marrying Zooey Deschanel.
6. This isn’t necessarily a good thing but it’s true: I’d buy family and friends Christmas presents. My overall financial situation has acted as a convenient excuse to receive but not give. Guilty as charged.
7. When applying to grad school last spring, I would’ve applied for more schools (since applications tend to be around $50-100 each).
8. I’d buy a dining room table for my apartment (two months in and my guests still eat on my couch).
9. After a friend let me borrow seasons one and two of “The Big Bang Theory,” I got hooked. That was months ago. If I had a couple hundred extra bucks a month, I would’ve bought season three way sooner (and been a happier human being because of it).
10. Though irresponsibility is partially to blame for my credit card debt, if I had a couple hundred extra a month, I probably would have accrued much less credit card debt. I ended up with $7,000 in credit card debt, which I paid off last year.
11. I’d travel to Europe and India.
12. Something tells me with that extra amount of money, I’d be a more confident human being and somehow that would trick the universe into having me cross paths with and eventually marry Zooey Deschanel.
13. I’d pay my best friend Tom back the money he loaned me (what’s my tab now, Tom?).
14. I wouldn’t have as good a credit rating, since, according to the non-profit organization American Student Assistance, “Your student loans, when paid on time, are for the most part a good thing for your credit rating. When a mortgage lender (or other creditor) looks at your credit report and sees a prior debt that has been paid as agreed, it says to the lender that you are a good risk as in the past you’ve paid you debts on time.”
15. I would’ve probably flown home for Christmas the last three years I’ve missed.
16. I’d buy Hulu Plus, a gym membership, a personal trainer, Amazon Prime membership and every Woody Allen film ever produced on DVD.
17. I’d have a lot more money in my savings account, making me less worried about an emergency and paying my taxes.
18. I’d go on a juicing/blending frenzy, buying several pricey organic fruits and vegetables a day to create epic smoothies. The smoothies would gain such mass attention that Zooey Deschanel would hear about them, fly to Austin to try one and inevitably fall in love with me.
19. More financially stable friends probably would buy me less food and drinks, which makes me want to fake poverty forever.
20. You’d be sad, since I wouldn’t have been able to write this article.
But it’s important to not spend too much time in hypotheticals.
Besides, I don’t regret getting my bachelor’s degree, since I should make 84 percent more during my lifetime than if I settled for a high school diploma, according to Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce.
Plus, I can recite Plato at parties.
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