Indecisive people, rejoice!
If your mind, heart and mentor can’t agree on a college to attend, it’s time to take the less-traveled route.
Here are 20 ridiculous and arbitrary ways to choose a college.
1. Ask your parents. And then do the complete opposite.
2. Choose one school to be school A and the other to be school B. Then, go to the mall and throw a fun sized candy into a crowd of people. If it hits a girl, go to school A. If it hits a boy, school B. If you’re not sure if it’s a dude or chick, then try again.
3. Choose the school with the least amount of letters, words and syllables. Trust me, after a while of saying you went to Baptist Missionary Association Theological Seminary, you’ll regret your entire college experience.
4. Flip a coin once. No best of three. Have at least two people present to keep you accountable.
5. Go to a crowded event and ask people who their favorite band is. To the first person who says Simon & Garfunkel, ask what school you should go to. Follow this person’s advice because based on musical taste, he/she is clearly wise.
6. If possible, do one last campus visit of each of the schools. On a notepad, jot down the number of attractive people you see in a 30 minute period. After doing this, it will be clear which school to attend.
7. Go to a coffee shop and hit on 10 people. If the amount of phone numbers you get is even, then go to school A. If it’s odd, then go to school B.
8. Send an email to a random professor at each school. Whoever gets back to you first, attend that school.
9. Go to a parking lot and one by one, jot down the letters of each license plate. Once you get all the letters of one of the schools, then you have your decision.
10. Go on a first date with someone. If they offer to pay, go to college A. If they expect you to pay or suggest splitting the bill, go to college B. If they suggest the good ol’ dine and ditch, either marry them or never talk to them again, depending on your own moral judgment.
11. If it’s sunny tomorrow, you’re going to school A. If it’s cloudy, school B.
12. Regardless if you’re musically talented, go to a popular street corner, put out a hat or case, and begin singing. If you earn under $40 in three hours, go to school A. If you earn over $40, go to school B.
13. Find out where your ex is going. If you could see you two getting back together, go to the school nearest to them. If you’d live a more fulfilled life never seeing them again, go to the school furthest away.
14. Go to the grocery store and ask the cashier if they prefer extra-virgin olive oil or not-that-experienced-but-far-from-virgin olive oil. If they laugh, go to school A. If they don’t get it or laugh, go to school B and consider changing grocery stores.
15. Go to a restaurant and ask what the specials are. If the first special has chicken in it, go to school A. If it has another kind of meat or no meat, go to school B. (Note: You must go to a diner to make this fair).
16. Email 10 current and recent students from both schools. And then choose the school with the highest amount of positive reviews.
17.) Do a website race. Get a friend to go on one school’s website and you go to the other, and then see who gets to certain parts of the site quicker. This may include racing to the mechanical engineering page or a movie night on the school calendar. Perhaps do best of 5.
18. Stick a piece of gum underneath a park bench. If it’s still there when you check in a week, go to school A. If it is gone, school B.
19. Ask a stranger what his/her favorite color is. If it’s blue, black or red, go to school A. If it’s green, yellow or purple, go to school B. If it’s another color, try again.
20. Go up to a stranger and ask, “Do you know the way to San Jose?” If they give you real directions, go to school A. If they laugh or start singing the song, go to school B. If it’s some strange mix of both, then consider colleges in San Jose, I guess.
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