As you and your family sit down to eat this Thursday, keep the following in mind: You are not alone.
All families have them — those quirky family members who make holiday get-togethers awkward, entertaining and, most importantly, memorable.
From an uncle that is obsessed with Star Wars to a cousin that is a serial eHarmony dater, these weird, yet lovable kin come in all shapes and sizes.
This being said, some eccentric characters are more popular than others, so it’s important that you familiarize yourself with them. Prepare yourself for Turkey Day 2012 by reviewing the following list:
1. The Grandpa Who Is Still Bitter about the Election
Although it’s a touchy subject, politics is bound to come up during dinnertime conversation. At the mention of Obama’s name, this type of grandpa will proudly display his “NOBAMA” button pin and curse the superstorm Sandy for Romney’s defeat.
2. The Cousin Who References YouTube Too Much
Every other sentence coming out of this cousin’s mouth begins with, “Have you seen the YouTube video about…” After a while, these constant references may be too much to bear (especially if you’re not too YouTube savvy), but at the end of the night, at least you will have 10 new videos to show your friends.
3. The Force-Feeding Grandma
This character will plead with you to eat seconds, thirds and fourths until you want to explode. And because she asks so sweetly, you won’t be able to turn her down when she asks about dessert either. Let’s just say you will regret not wearing an elastic waistband.
4. That Random Guy Who Isn’t Related to Anyone
This guy will be seemingly normal, until the inside jokes begin. He will look around as the family starts cracking jokes, and will laugh always a few seconds too late. Many of the people at the table will be secretly wondering a) why he’s there and b) who invited him.
5. The Aunt Who Takes Cooking Way Too Seriously
Also known as the dictator of the kitchen, this aunt needs to take it down a notch — or two. She forbids any men from entering her domain for fear that their poor cooking skills will rub off on her. Overall, dealing with her wrath is definitely worth it once you’ve tasted her pumpkin pie.
6. The Aunt Who Can’t Cook but Thinks She Can
The archenemy of the aunt described above, the aunt who can’t cook thinks that she’s the next Paula Deen. Hence, she’ll parade around the kitchen acting as the head chef’s personal assistant, making additions to each dish only to have them corrected by the Aunt Who Takes Cooking Way Too Seriously. Thank gosh.
7. The Cousin Who Hogs the Stuffing
Stuffing is without a doubt everyone’s favorite dish at the Thanksgiving feast (excluding the pumpkin pie, of course). So when this type of cousin continues to take helping after helping of your grandma’s moist, soft stuffing, you’re likely to get annoyed. To avoid conflict, give yourself an extra scoop of stuffing for your first helping.
8. The Aunt and Ex-Uncle
With the prevalence of divorce these days, chances are you’ll meet this ex couple. Typically, they will sit as far away from each other as possible in an attempt to make the whole experience less awkward. This tactic doesn’t help much though, especially when the aunt constantly mentions her new boyfriend.
9. The Cousin Who Is on a Diet
The way she stares longingly at your carb-filled plate will have you feeling guilty for sure. Don’t let her salad-only plate make you feel self-conscious though — today is the only day of the year where you get to ask for fourth servings of entrees and third servings of dessert.
10. The Kid Who Refuses to Eat Anything Other Than Dessert
Despite constant pleading from his mother, this ornery child will leave his plate untouched. Passing up everything from rolls to cranberry sauce, he remains loyal to his one true love: pumpkin pie. If only this sort of eating etiquette were socially acceptable for college-aged kids.
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