Rutgers snagged Snooki to address its student body, but some universities aren’t able to make the Jersey connection.

For those still wanting to stir up parental tuition fury and a hunk of publicity, the following speakers might be available for $32,000.

Their speeches, if tailored to student body issues, could leave parents wondering why they coughed up the IRA for their kids’ BAs.

• 1) Nadya Suleman (a.k.a. “Octomom”): Careers in childcare

• 2) Kate Gosselin: Careers WITH childcare

• 3) Bernie Madoff: How to finance your college education

• 4) Lindsay Lohan: Inexpensive ways to accessorize

• 5) Mel Gibson: First impressions and phone etiquette

• 6) Chris Brown: Secrets to relationship building

• 7) Kim Kardashian: How to break into film

• 8) Charlie Sheen: Turning failing into winning

Is it possible to turn mediocre speakers with minimal insight into money-making machines? Based upon Jersey Shore’s the Situation, the answer is “ABS-solutely.”

Who did we leave off? Got other ideas? Let us know in the comments

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